Ep 277 No Name Bastard: Turning Hidden Shame into Leadership Freedom w/Tori DaCosta

Written by Guest User

You might be capable, accomplished and well respected, and still carry something you never say out loud. It could be a piece of your past, an old fear, or a feeling that you don’t quite measure up. You’ve gotten good at managing it, and you’ve had a polished answer ready for years.

That hidden story still costs you. It shows up when you avoid a hard conversation, when you need people to like you, or when you can’t be fully present with your team or your family. It keeps you from leading, loving and living with your full potential.

In this episode, host Tyler Dickerhoof talks with Tori DaCosta. She is a former Fortune 50 leader, the founder of Journey Stone, and the author of No Name Bastard.

Tori spent years hiding the fact that her parents weren’t married, quietly ashamed of a story she didn’t choose. Near the end of an executive MBA, she realized “something was missing.” That moment led her to write a book about the stories she’d kept hidden for decades.

It also gave her a gift she now uses with leaders: she can see the hidden thing holding someone back, even when they can’t name it yet.

If you’re tired of performing and ready to lead as your whole self, this conversation gives you a path forward.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

  • Why hidden shame keeps its grip until you face it, name it and grow from it

  • How people-pleasing works as a prison, and the question that shows whether someone truly cares about you

  • The Control, Manage, Influence framework, Tori’s practical model for emotional maturity under pressure

  • What adult “temper tantrums” look like, including the quieter ones like going silent and passive aggression

  • Why the most emotionally mature person in the room has to go first, and why that is a leader’s job

  • The “check it at the door” mistake: what happened when Tori told her team they had permission to be human, and why it made them more loyal, not less

  • The “nice” leader trap: how being liked can quietly sabotage accountability

  • When to share your story and when not to. Tyler’s test is whether it enhances the relationship or turns into victimhood.

  • How to stay human in the age of AI by thinking on your feet and having real conversations

Meet Tori

Business leader, coach, author, and speaker

Tori DaCosta is dedicated to empowering individuals to lead themselves well. Her work centers on the transformative power of ownership—helping people take intentional action, develop clarity, and create meaningful impact in both their professional and personal lives.

Drawing from her experience as a leader within a Fortune 50 company and as a long-time mentor, Tori brings practical insight, authenticity, and encouragement to every audience she serves.


Tori holds multiple degrees and professional designations, including an Executive MBA from Emory University and a bachelor’s degree from Appalachian State University.


She lives in North Carolina with her husband, Mike, and enjoys spending time with their two children. Outside of work, she finds joy in running, being outdoors, and finding moments of laughter.

Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:

Connect with Tori

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About the Tyler Dickerhoof Show Podcast

The Impact Driven Leader Podcast, hosted by Tyler Dickerhoof, is for Xillennial leaders who have felt alone and ill-equipped to lead in today's world. Through inspiring interviews with authors from around the world, Tyler uncovers how unique leadership strengths can empower others to achieve so much more, with real impact.

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Ep 276 Saying No Is Kind: How Nice Leaders Set Boundaries Without Losing Their Team w/Kristen Hadeed